Friday, April 16, 2010


"It couldn't be better!" used to be my answer. Always. The slide from there to coffee spills on my shirts (even the not so fav ones!) evoking a "Can't anything go right, anymore?!" whimper has been painfully slow but certain and without respite. It is nearing a year now and worse since I am without a reason I can put my finger on. But then, mountaineer Boukreev says and I quote -

To cite a specific reason is to claim an omniscience only gods, drunks, politicians and abstract writers can make.

So, if the puzzle were for me to match cause and effect on the left with reasons and depressed insomnia on the right, I'd never be able to crack it. I guess every sailor's got to go under the weather once a while.

There's something in the quiet dignity of those scenes from the movies where if I'm sad, I'd be having my back to the world while there's some soulful guitar strumming in the background as I watch the ripples on the lake sitting on a park bench. That isn't the scene that's playing!

Then there's the hilarious-when-you-look-back if I were to spend days filled with gaffes. Like falling off bar stools, coming under the path-of-drop of bird poops, braying along a popular slow song until the neighbors knock or losing the wallet to a transvestite hooker... Get the idea? But nope, this isn't playing out that well or I'm not looking-back enough yet :p

Mine's more like that adventurer lost on an endless desert with vultures hovering above. Too many things in life demanding my best (okay, my most) and punishingly so. Like there's no escape. Even stopping for a moment's the same as giving up. Well, I'm staring to cut quite a sorry figure, ain't I? Then, let's get to what's changed, and quick!

Usually, if I were to be jolted out of a dream in which I'd almost convinced Katrina Kaif and Winona Ryder (yes, both!) that playing hard-to-get isn't what'd work best with me, I'd be mad as a rabid dog. But I guess I am not that when it is Led Zep singing

And a new day will dawn
For those who stand long
And the forests will
Echo with laughter

I'm not quite back to "It couldn't be better!" but from a "Can't anything go right, anymore?!", post one brief restless slumbering on a chair in the balcony, I've hopped back to a "It could be worse.". And now, zzzzzzz....

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  1. I figured somewhere in the middle of the post that this was "not so sober".. But somehow it makes sense still :)

  2. Wow, Tamanna! Best comment I ever received :p


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  4. From the informative comment above, you cud blame it on age..Or are you feeling womanly?! :P
    Also, stressing over sleeplessness causes further sleeplessness!
    It's like a sine wave..crests and troughs..and crests again :) So be brave!

  5. Dear Anon! All true, I say.

    Talking of age "Umar kab ki baras ke safaid ho gayi; Kaari badari jawani ki chatt ti nahi". ;-)

    Feeling womanly, aah umm.. why not?

    Coming to stressing over sleeplessness, yep, cause & effect as I say, are indistinguishable.

    Plus, I'm already at the place where the trough turns to crest and trust me, no feeling like it!!

    Glad to have you keep me brave! :-)

  6. Bingo!

    Everything around demands the best AND the most out of us. It begins to stress you when what you expect, and what those around expect from you differ.

    Lemme know how you got through, and u say "It couldn't be better!" I'm in the verry ishshaaaame boat as you are..

  7. Do you really think that sticking that pacifier into the baby's mouth helps for long?! Guess the key my dear precious little Deeeeepi, is to tell yourself that all things pass, bad weather included :)

    Everything else has only got to be a placebo but why deny yourself whatever makesya happy! I think it is spelt Vee-Oh-Di-Kay-Eh ;)

  8. Blame it on your hormones - just saw that you're entering your 4th decade.

  9. @The Visitor, this one does put an end to the 'age is just a number' argument, doesn't it? ;p

    So I'm guessing(hoping!) you'd have rightly seen 30 and not 40 when you see 4th decade ;-)

  10. Oops, I got the math wrong.

    Then you can't blame the hormones AND you may still use the 'age is just a number' argument.

    I will diagnose you yet; I have a couple of theories. ;)