Monday, July 25, 2005

Did you know?

Hmm.. at no point of my life did I doubt my understanding about myself. But for some strange reason; its only today that I could put my "growing up" into a logical structure. The fact that I could classify my personality type and analyzed what I am helped. I'll try to put what I was, what I did, what it lead to - all of it in chronology and all of it with the greatest possible honesty.

Stage 1 - Know nothing. (What's being okay?)
Age - 0 to 8
Was - Nonexistent
Lead To - Unrealized knowing
Did - Exist

Stage 2 - Know something (I know what it is to be okay!)
Age - 9 to 12
Was - Curious, confident.
Lead To - Realized learning. First time I felt that when it comes to influencing myself, I can do it too!!! I remember this history lesson in Grade 3 about the Chola empire. The first time I could actually think and remember anything some way other than what I was told.
Did - First time read what I needn't have. Thought what I needn't have. Comics, drawing, self-invented games and imaginary experiments came. Drifted apart from fellow-everybody.

Stage 3 - Know wrong (I'm okay, you aren't)
Age - 13 to 18
Was - With a self-identity to suit my own idea of it and far from truth.
Lead To - The feeling of being special. The need to do special things. To get into only those things in which I can be special. (resigned from sports and any creative pursuit)
Did - Conscious manipulation of self. Developed preferences on how I wanted to look, what I'd read, what I'd say. Start aspiring what I should be - thereby drifting apart from family that thought better ;-)

Stage 4 - Know better (I'm okay, so are you)
Age - 19 to 22
Was - Self conscious to the extreme. Not the kind to give inferiority, but the kind to make better of myself. Dead down to earth and extreme modesty.
LeadTo - Developing my specific skills. Graduation. Friends out of choice. Languages. Opinions. Viewpoints.
Did - Put a perennial effort at self improvement. First encounter with focused thought and action. Fell in love. Got up and firmly out of it. Drifted apart from my first person self.

Stage 5 - Know back (I'm feeling okay and more okay. Don't care about anything else!)
Age - 23 to now
Was - Introspection and retrospection to the extreme.
Lead To - Continual molding and fitting into an ever expanding horizon. More reading, more travelling, more discovery.
Did - ... Here I am.


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1 comment:

  1. "Here I am, this is me, there's nowhere else on earth I'd rather be" - Bryan Adams

    Nice to know you for who you are, and what you are. I liked your stage 4 best.