Thursday, July 15, 2010

Life has come a long way, since yesterday.

This is scary. Balls to bones. Must be similar to the cold-feet that people are said to develop before the wedding :) But I've done it. Finally.

Welcome home Laska! (And she blogs HERE!)

I have been wanting to bring you home. But aah the doubt! The anxiety! That from now on, you're going to be part of every one of my plans - small or big. Almost like I were a parent. Well, it is almost indeed.

Now Curry Leaves is intelligent, perceptive and honest. And knowing that she knows that I know that she loves me, I've to trust her advice more than I trust myself :). Thank you for the push pal.

And for any little room for doubt there was, Ziggy did a nice job of singing True to Myself.

Life just got sunnier!

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Monday, June 21, 2010

And Though You Fight To Stay Alive

Remember the line from MJ's Thriller? And with it, the one hell-of-a-voice-over to remember - arguably Vincent Price's best??

I had plans for today. Funny how crazy alternatives pan out only on such days. I blame it on -

1. This talk with K at work in the coffee room that reminded me of the first ever thing that I wanted to become when I grew up - a voice-over artist! What with my voice being the least bent-out-of-shape thing about me :) That should also explain why Vincent's my God.
2. This could've happened on any day like today, except I have a cold. It makes me sound so very good inside my head like it does for Phoebe from F.R.I.E.N.D.S in that particular episode.
3. This other blog has a podcast for its latest post; something that I've for a while been wanting to try. (If you really have to read this other blog, I recommend about 5-6 posts starting about 10 older than the latest. The ones before and after are no match.)

And so, I decided to drop everything at hand that's important and record a little gig for my own amusement. But then, you'll hear me out, won't you?

Parental discretion advised!

And here's the ORIGINAL if you'd like to grade my work. :)

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Monday, June 7, 2010

Of Incremental Compromises and Happiness

I for one, ain't the type who'd haggle over the arm-rests at a cinema. Several times that I've been (much to my amusement) judged submissive, while I know better as I don't take 'every little thing' as a judge of 'the whole big thing'. I truly believe that bile and bromide aren't the opposites of each other. Just two simple and very different things. And that neither of them describes me.

But then it comes! One super rare weekend with a lot fewer exciting things than usual and I feel like the monkey who's dropped one too many bananas. Does it really work that way? That incremental compromises add up into one grand sum to ruin your happiness in total? Naah... I just know that monkeys when hungry, have poor memory of all the trouble saved in not picking those bananas that'd have slipped anyways. They're happy in time for the next catch :).

And from what I know of them, they love listening to the guitar that goes with:

It’s a restless hungry feeling
That don’t mean no one no good
When ev’rything I’m a-sayin’
You can say it just as good.
You’re right from your side
I’m right from mine
We’re both just one too many mornings
An’ a thousand miles behind

- Bob Dylan, One too many mornings

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Friday, June 4, 2010

My Books

My reading list.. and my personal rating.

16.Oct.2010**** One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel García Márquez
24.Jul.2010**** Purple Cow - Seth Godin
05.Jul.2010**** Descent Into Chaos - Ahmed Rashid
13.Jun.2010**** Behind the Cloud - Marc Benioff
27.May.2010*****Inspite of the Gods - Edward Luce
12.May.2010** The Museum of Innocence - Orhan Pamuk
20.Apr.2010**** The Black Swan - Nicholas Nassim Taleb

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Monday, May 17, 2010

My Songs

I've a weakness for songs that take me away, to distant happy places. Sometimes slow, sometimes full of energy! The words mostly have MY very own meanings :)

(18.Dec.2010) Four Seasons In One Day - Crowded House
(18.Dec.2010) Wicked Game - Chris Isaak
(03.Nov.2010) Jumper - Third Eye Blind
(26.Oct.2010) These Are The Days - Van Morrison
(27.Sep.2010) I'm too Sexy - Right Said Fred
(15.Sep.2010) Good Feeling, Won't You Stay With Me? - Violent Femmes
(11.Jul.2010) True to Myself - Ziggy Marley
(04.Jul.2010) Untitled - Interpol
(20.Jun.2010) Singing in the Rain - Gene Kelly
(16.Jun.2010) I Can See Clearly Now## - Jimmy Cliff
## This one's a close contender :)
(15.Jun.2010) I'm the Hoochie Coochie Man# - Muddy Waters
# This is my personal anthem!
(14.Jun.2010) Tell It As It Is - Aaron Neville
(13.Jun.2010) For Sentimental Reasons - Nat King Cole
(07.Jun.2010) One Too Many Mornings - Bob Dylan
(04.Jun.2010) Did You Ever Have to Finally Decide? - Lovin' Spoonful
(02.Jun.2010) Maria Maria - Carlos Santana
(25.May.2010) What a Wonderful World - Sam Cooke
(24.May.2010) For What It's Worth - Buffalo Springfield
(23.May.2010) Goodbye My Friend - Karla Bonoff
(21.May.2010) No Stress - Laurent Wolf
(17.May.2010) Nowhere to Go, Nowhere to Be - Kenny Chesney
(17.May.2010) That Lucky Old Sun - Kenny Chesney
(07.May.2010) The Weary Kind - Ryan Bingham
(28.Apr.2010) I've Got Sunshine - Otis Redding
(02.Apr.2010) I Gotta Feeling - Black Eyed Peas
(15.Feb.2010) If You'll Hold the Ladder - Robert Duvall

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Friday, April 16, 2010


"It couldn't be better!" used to be my answer. Always. The slide from there to coffee spills on my shirts (even the not so fav ones!) evoking a "Can't anything go right, anymore?!" whimper has been painfully slow but certain and without respite. It is nearing a year now and worse since I am without a reason I can put my finger on. But then, mountaineer Boukreev says and I quote -

To cite a specific reason is to claim an omniscience only gods, drunks, politicians and abstract writers can make.

So, if the puzzle were for me to match cause and effect on the left with reasons and depressed insomnia on the right, I'd never be able to crack it. I guess every sailor's got to go under the weather once a while.

There's something in the quiet dignity of those scenes from the movies where if I'm sad, I'd be having my back to the world while there's some soulful guitar strumming in the background as I watch the ripples on the lake sitting on a park bench. That isn't the scene that's playing!

Then there's the hilarious-when-you-look-back if I were to spend days filled with gaffes. Like falling off bar stools, coming under the path-of-drop of bird poops, braying along a popular slow song until the neighbors knock or losing the wallet to a transvestite hooker... Get the idea? But nope, this isn't playing out that well or I'm not looking-back enough yet :p

Mine's more like that adventurer lost on an endless desert with vultures hovering above. Too many things in life demanding my best (okay, my most) and punishingly so. Like there's no escape. Even stopping for a moment's the same as giving up. Well, I'm staring to cut quite a sorry figure, ain't I? Then, let's get to what's changed, and quick!

Usually, if I were to be jolted out of a dream in which I'd almost convinced Katrina Kaif and Winona Ryder (yes, both!) that playing hard-to-get isn't what'd work best with me, I'd be mad as a rabid dog. But I guess I am not that when it is Led Zep singing

And a new day will dawn
For those who stand long
And the forests will
Echo with laughter

I'm not quite back to "It couldn't be better!" but from a "Can't anything go right, anymore?!", post one brief restless slumbering on a chair in the balcony, I've hopped back to a "It could be worse.". And now, zzzzzzz....

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Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Love's like that.

Yes, the idea for the title's borrowed from RD's "Life's like that" column.

A pal tells me that having a personal blog and not writing about Love isn't done! Here's my attempt, the best I could make, hate it as you will :-)

From what I observe all around (shrewdly, if I may proudly add :p), Love's a little like those Tele-Shopping gigs.

The models are pretty,
The presenters are witty.

Things work until they're dry,
Right from the very first try.

You reach your happy ending,
Never having to need a mending.

So that makes it almost like putting the meat of your ego on a fancy light-weight, easy-clean, energy-saving, long-lasting, space-saving, environment-friendly, flavor-retaining, electric, garden, BBQ-grill!!! Yes, from the very same mail-order commercial :p. A golden-brown, crisp-shelled, juicy inside type of a sausage is only one of the superb variety of outcomes. All of `em very messy barring just the elusive one, which you'll realize as you tear your hair and yell, "THIS IS NOT WHAT I ORDERED!" :)). That makes you hate romantic movies, until such time when you admit to being a secret, inveterate fan ;-). Also makes you wonder why they won't make movies that are as messy and complicated as real-life, ain't it?

Fancy having caught exactly three such superbly well made dramas on love. All in the same month! I'd say give them a watch, sometime you can.

1. Playing by Heart - Eleven articulate people work through affairs of the heart.
2. Closer - If you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking.
3. Little Children - Lives intersect as they struggle to resist their vulnerabilities and temptations.

Yes, yes, I should admit that I could just as well have said - "Watch these three brilliant movies to see love from different perspectives", in stead of the annoying opening paragraphs and a stupid poem. But do tell me...

how else could I have shown-off the rhymes?

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Sunday, February 28, 2010

What's getting warmer, again?

Global warming's something that I don't so much disagree with as much as I am skeptical about. Correlation's too weak to explain it all, if you ask me. Well, my skepticism can have a post of its own, but I can't make it read funny. So, this one's really about attributing a pattern to hypes. So you'll have your own guide to know when to run; right before the Shit hits the fan!

If I had to propose a theory, I'd say the stages progress like this -

At first, those dumb weeklies (or the center-spread tit-bits of tabloids) make a mention or two before the very last page.

Then, the kids in high-school forever looking for cooler things to add to their identities acquire card-carrying allegiances. Or is it more like signing up for groups on FB, these days?

Then, some politician incapable of effecting any change'll cover it in his speech to sound intelligent and global. (Do you really need examples, here? I bet just about anybody from the EU shall do!)

A little later, there's a James Bond movie with this new thing as its theme, (you're excused if you don't remember Quantum of Solace.)

And then, the next-rated action flick tries a me-too, (Yes, I'm guilty of watching Transporter III one lazy afternoon).

And finally, your next date mentions it, just to sound intelligent. (Feeling lazier than ever? Watch Dare to Date on Channel V, it IS hilarious!)

You really wish your Sunday magazines would lighten you up with nice cartoons but those aren't working for you. Your only option mid-air is a semi-respectable daily's literary section to encounter this dumbest interviewer ever! Read this -

"The Museum.. is a love story. When all around you, there is war, recession, poverty, and terrorism, not to mention climate change threatening the planet, how can you possibly sit down to write a love story?"

Gosh! If that sounds stupid enough, the author being questioned is the acclaimed Turkish novelist Orhan Pamuk!!! That can shake you off your seat and send you rolling on the floor laughing! Happened to me.

The point is, the nut-heads have successfully turned the problem on its head. From being our responsibility towards caring for the planet (And those who still think of it as such can't imagine the fight!) into a scarce-resource allocation problem on how much CO2 can each nation emit until a certain date. Now argue all you want, this is a Cake Cutting Problem; and I'd say it with certainty that it will not find a solution anytime soon. A just solution isn't simply single-valued.

So if you ask me; I'd say, before someone turns that fan on... Run for cover!

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Friday, February 19, 2010

THIS is what happened on Valentine's day..

This Valentine's day was different. I mean, REAL different. There was no year when any chocolates or flowers or heart-shaped balloons were exchanged, so that wasn't any different. But then, there were years where inflatable-sheep were received as gifts which weren't this year; so that's ONE difference. But that isn't what I'm talking about, but of all the special attention I got and you'll know where my blog gets its name from!

Mr. & Mrs. Tashan!
If you've ever seen a monkey play on a piano, tell him of me and he'll be shamed! And if it were a kid with his new toy, I'd shame him too around a piano! And to talk of a really incredibly expensive synthesizer and so very dear to you Tashan-bhai, and which you loaned me nevertheless while you break new ground oceans away... I'm so damn grateful! All because you care... "Thanks" is grossly insufficient! I am going to miss you two every one of those late evenings of mine that you've enriched! (Yeah, the same ones when my neighbors will be cursing.. )

Azeez dost mere..
So many firsts this Valentine run-up week, all thanks to you buddy! I mean.. THAAAAANKS! Do you even know how it feels when someone writes you a poem? Try multiplying that a zillion times over, when it not just for you, but on you!! That is one hell of a gift there!

Call yourself a grown-up all you want but I'll still want to pinch those cheeks! And try fighting your best with me but I bet you're still not going to get off my hook, ever! Comprende?

Dear Lotus, my name is Mud!
Even when it is only a witty joke and you know it too well, if an "I Love You" were the first ever thing you said to a total stranger, it still'd be something! And if that weren't good, try getting a "I Love YOU!" for a ready reply!! All because tomorrow's Valentine's? Heady!! A man's got to get his wiring checked real hard if that didn't feel a little too good for a minute on the least. Me? I felt good all day ;-). Thanks dear Lotus that you gave me that day before you broke to me your age! Your age sounds like an oxymoron! (and me? a plain moron.) I know.. I know.. you can drive, you can get drunk and you can elope if you wanted to. But just about! I blame YOU there...!! How could you be SO very smart, mature and write things about a sibling about as much younger to you as you are to me; and tag it as "parenting"!! When I signed up for your Waat Lagao, Sabki Bajao mission; you never told me that the joke's on me!

Meri toh bajj gayi!!

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Thursday, January 21, 2010

This one's for you Buddy Joey!!

The conversation on the phone...

Me: So how're YOU Joey!
Joey: umm...errr.. I don't know.
Me: I know.

Now Joey's the type who's got a head that throws out thoughts faster than what his vocal chords can handle.. The gesturing, groping for the right words type. But mostly it feels like we communicate perfectly alright!! (though hardly agreeing on everything.. but then, isn't disagreeing communicating?) When he says he doesn't know; he doesn't just not know.. but also doesn't know that he doesn't know.. and when I say "I know..", I also know that he doesn't know that he doesn't know...

I'm sure not drunk today, but heck I feel just as high. Exactly what I'd have asked for after a grueling day at work :-). Thanks for the little chat Joey!

So what if we make an utterly unintelligible exchange at times,

Joey: So how's work?
Me: You know how all of us look for something to blame for the lack of a personal life? My work fits exactly!!
Joey: And how's studies?
Me: Well, it's supposed to BE. And how's your work?
Joey: Well.. you know...
Me: Like what?
Joey: Err.. things are a.... little quiet..
Me: As in? What's everybody up to?
Joey: Err.. busy.. just busy doing something on something they don't usually like doing.
Me: Business as usual then!

Thank all sweet things for the Omnipresent Jack Daniel's! Mine's snug in the cabinet, while's yours's waiting! Go grab it!

Cheers Joey!!

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Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Why Prince Charming Stayed Single...

My dad's a funny guy. After trying the nagging trick with me for a while, he moved to his famous quoting of "I'd be happy even if you married a lamp post!". And when that met with a guffaw, he just had to give up :-). And now that I've to face endless poking in the ribs by bed ridden grannies, arthritic aunts, retired uncles and the odd please-yous; he's even given in to a little sympathy towards me :-) Mostly for my patient hearing and my unbroken smirk!! So the exchange has lately changed to a very knowing, very understanding, very sympathetic, repeatedly enacted scene like this:

Dad (Raising of eye brows): -
Me (Smile + Side-ward movement of the head): -
Dad (Shoulder shrug): -

And then the channel on the TV flicks. Thank God for the interesting ads!!! For without them, the awkward air'd grow thick like the Knorr soup leftover in the bowl lying in the kitchen sink unwashed for 3 days. And'd stink worse!

But on my last visit, the big man had devised a little tactical questioning. Having asked me to join him on a walk, he dropped a line from no where and I had no idea how to react to it! "You know, when I was very young and whenever I'd be depressed and feel lonely; I'd lock myself in a room and dance my own thing to the music until I was all sweaty.". A full two minutes later, he knew I was still mulling my reaction so for the sake of everything we both hold very dear, he attempted a little more direct a question, "So what's your thing when you're depressed?" Wow, what a relief. I made the sheepish admission that I could make the fixtures in my car vibrate with my singing along with the radio! To quote William James, We do not sing because we are happy, we are happy because we sing. And for his amusement, I narrated the anecdote from last week when a girl in the car behind me got exasperated with the time it took to get my attention (and then my lane... :p) that the first thing she did after getting her way was to give me the finger! If dad's face had fingers, I would've seen him twiddling them all with impatience, he he. "What about anyone you might have.. you know, developed a liking for?". I had to remind him I wasn't beyond the particular human emotion we were both referring to (ahem.. relief!), and then again of the dog we had and how he chased his tail at times.... (ahem.. relief no more!) If he ever did catch it, he'd but look all silly on his own!! I couldn't quite make out what dad meant by his blank stare.. Only that it was definitely the moment when we turned back towards home :))

I imagine that must be the look if Bill Watterson had drawn the rest of the strip, where Calvin's dad mocks a story on "Why Prince Charming stayed single" to which his mom retorts: Prince WHAAAT?!

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Friday, January 1, 2010

What'd I ever do without C&H!

Calvin: Well, it's a new year.

And I'd say the first 10 hours haven't been up to snuff.

Hobbes: Did you make any new year's resolutions?

Calvin: You bet! I resolved to quit hiding my feelings so much! From now on, the world's gonna know exactly what I think of it!

Hobbes: Yes, you've certainly been the model of self-restraint and under-statement up until now.

Calvin: Well, no more.


And I've also resolved not to put up with sarcastic tigers.

Hobbes: If I see any, I'll tell them!

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Friday, December 25, 2009

My Only Regrets.

Sitting by the open window on a bus with the wind in my hair and the crispy sun on me, oh such a nice picture. But it is the map in my hands, the places-to-go on my mind and the stops that I make that give me a purpose to it all. With all that lucky feeling inside, I've very nearly no regrets in life so far. But the few that I write below must be the only ones, but I like them. They're the stops I missed while I fell into a slumber and keep reminding me to sit up, keep my wits ever so sharp and watch out for exciting turns!

I regret outgrowing a few things. Dad used to ride a motorbike well until I was in school so I could ride on it seated behind him. And I loved it that I could smell his hair. In all those frightening moments, I could hug him like I'd hug a never-to-budge-rock that he is. While he watched news on TV with all seriousness, I could sit beside him and note all those features on his hands until he'd affectionately yell - "What're you doing?". That I could be endlessly lazy around my mum. Hide behind her, wrapped in the free end of her saree to feel safe. The love of one's parents is the one absolute version of it and I feel full of regret to have outgrown it. To the point that I perhaps don't need it any more. What a pity, indeed. But then, perhaps it isn't meant to be drawn out of for ever, nor returned. May be meant to be passed on. I think I am going to spoil my nephew :-).

Dad had a house with a huge garden. We had T, the four legged, tail wagging fur ball of an angel. Brother and I took turns in chasing him or being chased by him, and in walking him, bathing him and taking endless pictures of him in myriad poses :-). Mum did the part of feeding him and driving him to the regular visits to the vet's. All dad had to do was put his feet up on the coffee table, slouch on his couch reading the newspaper and have the obedient fur buddy sit beside admiring him! And I wanted to be my dad then! Wonder if kings had it any better :p. I have this unshakable perception that families with pets signify a certain abundance. You have enough affection to share it everyone else and some more to shower on other precious creatures. And to now have a life with long work hours, uncertainty as a built-in and travel as an inevitable feature; I hopelessly, very deeply regret not being able to have a pet. A real man's real pet of a dog. I hope I succeed in digging my tent deep enough some day and be able to do it.

The other last regret is also the much bigger version of the tiny little bit of jealousy I feel towards all those people who have serious hobbies that they've nurtured for all their lives. Some of my friends can play music, some paint, some do sports and some create endless nice things from nothing. I see such serious indulgence in things of interest to be one additional layer to one's personality that I so regret not having. Probably the last of the layers when one's denuded of all others; the one that lets you gracefully and self-assuredly use your time even when everything else is a little dud. I hope reading counts :p! And then, perhaps I should grow Bonsai :-)

See how nice it is to have regrets and also the remedies to it? :-).

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Tuesday, December 22, 2009


We must fall back upon the old axiom that when all other contingencies fail, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. - Sherlock Holmes, in The Adventure of the Bruce-Partington Plans.

This must be how ghosts were born. When you can't explain some strange phenomenon; the para normal's like the wild card that'll always fit. Well I'm not the one to believe in any of it but that's not to say I haven't had those spooky moments.

I remember this one night when I was reading a particularly boring book in bed only to be shaken awake to a sudden rap of a noise. At once so loud and reverberating so hard that it startled me. I knew distinctly that it came from within the house but I couldn't find out the source! I'm alone in the house and the doors are locked alright. Windows are closed too, that being a cold December night. I just couldn't go to sleep until I'd found the source of the noise until I was out of my mind trying every possibility I could think of - dropping a book from the edge of the bookshelf, dropping the pen stand from the table, tumbling down a pot from the kitchen platform, pulling down the broom stick standing in the closet corner to a fall, what not! I remember it must be the end of the third hour that I finally discovered the source. You see, I have the habit of leaving the toilet seat up (yes yes.. yet another of the luxuries of being single :p) and the seat hinge is taut enough that I must've left the seat rightly in balance that it could fall back and land on the tank with a thud or fall over the toilet with a rap. Ummmm... I don't remember having more contented a sleep than the one that followed the discovery :-).

But this one experience totally takes the cake!! It was during those late hours you put in on the night before the big project submission at college, most of it spent arguing with your mates on who's to be blamed for the fiasco; until you're all droopy and slog over the very little can be done. Three of us in a apartment on the top floor of a high rise apartment with the door to the balcony open and nearly all of the town outside fast asleep. There was this sudden fluttering noise coming from the balcony that we just couldn't ignore anymore. We had to find out! The eeriest part of it was that the fluttering would stop the moment we went out to the balcony. Step In - flutter - peek out - queer silence. Step In - flutter - peek out - queer silence. Step In - flutter - peek out - queer silence. We tried all combination - close the door, toggle the lights, hush-up, rake up noise, and then try all of them in various other combination. None could either completely stop or expose the source of the noise. We must have been at our wits end when we finally decided to move all of the pile of boxes heavy with trash and lying in the balcony since Ghenghis Khan invaded India. And voila!!!!! Ooooout flew a pigeon when there were the last few boxes left. The fluttering was so erratic and inexplicable, that it totally slipped out of our senses that it could be some living creature. You just wouldn't think of it when all of the balcony is gated with a grill with barely a fist sized object that could pass through it. We must have been scared sweaty for a few hours right until the minute after which we were again sweating out our convulsive giggles and the rolling on the floor and debating who was more chicken. The project was a dud show but what a night!!!. We created the stuff for the reunions to come in place of reports that gather dust any which ways :-).

Watching 1408 late the other night, I was reminded of all those spooky-funny moments in life. What a promising start for a scary movie, for once almost make me look under the bed for monsters and check the front door :p But alas, the promises weren't kept for the entire length of the movie. But so long as you have such rich memories to bring on, you've still got those goose pimples!

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Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Life is but a juggle..

I had a lot of balls in the air when this happened to me. Endless things I wanted to do in life, endless ones that I didn't want to do at work and endless ones that I couldn't do at the MBA. And then I dropped them. It caught up exactly like an itch-in-the-crotch would on a busy corridor at work. Seemingly innocuous to begin with, but shooting up to suck all of my attentions in no time. Without a reason, a rhyme, a cause, an inspiration or a damned warning!! It is that moment when in a single minded pursuit you find a near-empty elevator and not care about which way it's going and then hold your breath until it's empty. It is right after this involuntary, ignominious adventure do you realize that you don't even faintly remember what you were upto before. It then takes a conscious effort to get back your life. It is precisely in such a state that I began to juggle, so I could redirect my attention to something worth holding it; nay innocent.

Forget to catch, remember to throw.

The very first hurdle's this. Every juggler has faced this without fail. The fear of not being able to catch is so overwhelming, that one hesitates to release the next ball. Catching being more natural a reflex (and perhaps comes with more importance attached) to all of us, you end up catching the ball always! Funny that you'll ever so often break out of the rhythm not because you dropped, but because you never released the next one. It takes grit and self-assurance to keep sending those balls up in the air. But once you've jumped over the hurdle, you'll see how effortless it is...

Look beyond.

Being party to a situation is always judgement-clouding. It is sort of the Heisenberg Uncertainity Principle where the very act of measuring changes the quantity measured. Especially in a sensorially overwhelming act of keeping a watch on the balls flying about. It always helps to let your hands do the work. Your eyes can never keep pace. You watch, you lose. You look beyond and you shall thrive!

Think placement.

There comes this ahoy-moment, that clearly marks the coming of age of a juggler. And you can quickly graduate to any number of balls from there on. It is the art of placement that every expert juggler can relate to. All you have to think of, is not in terms of throwing and catching. You are self-assured enough that the hand-time-window that is supposed to throw and to catch will do exactly that. Your mind has just one thing left to think about, of Placing the ball in the right Order such as the one that everything in a system has. You can be sure the rest of the act works like you were an automaton.

If juggling were easy, they'd call it napping. It takes investment. But the gain is an amazingly beautiful reward - the pride in the way you spent yourself.

And it may just make for an interesting act in a party!

Since posting
Learning to Juggle can Change Your Brain

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Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Single, Man, Homemaker.

You can take a man out of an MBA but not an MBA out of a man... He’s only learnt his 3Cs (for the uninitiated, there are no ABCs) in marketing and now a trip along the departmental store aisle can compare with the other things that he calls a pleasure ;-).. Being a man and buying things that are targeted only at women can be tricky to say the least. And I’m not even talking tampons here! Simple necessities like soaps. Can you tell me of one soap that’s advertised as a man’s soap? It’s always a kids’ soap, a beauty bar or those rare times when it is a piece of medication. If at all men do appear in an ad frothing one, it is usually a family bar. So I’m forced to feel like any one of them depending on what the store stocks.. The same holds true for ready-to-cooks or heat-and-eats (whoever thought working women are their only clientele), chakki-ground-atta, the vendor with his vegetable cart, so on and on..

And along side of all this, while the other day I interview this lady for some house-keeping help, she is super suspicious to work for a household with a single man!! And for all you know it is the Shineys of the world with a wife and a kid who go forcing themselves on their maids.. Poor single men are really just hapless meek creatures, take my word for it. The really desperate ones among them may try hitting on the maid, but that’s about it J. If she can deal with dirt, she can deal with this type with even more ease :p

The most miserable is when you invite a charming company over for a home-cooked lunch; and you get a motherly “don’t fret about the place.. i’ve an idea of bachelor places and i’ll be all right. really.” – some words of pity it sounds like to me. Not a grain of expectation of a decent dwelling, ladies?? I sometimes feel discriminated against.. If pretty soon women can have babies without men (thanks to the bloody science), I feel a sinister pleasure in breaking it to women that men can run a home without a woman!

This worst insult is for last.. I intend to get myself a dog and consider it only prudent to check with my friends for their canine tolerance levels so that he’ll have a place to live when I am out of town or something... And all I get every single time is a – “A dog? You? Poor dog... Don’t do it, please!” advice. Uff!! Am I incapable of taking care of a pet? Is it unimaginable that I can stock dog food (yum, it happens to the craziest thing I’ve eaten so far) even if I go hungry? Really world, stop doing this to us.

But then, there are these good days too.. It was this weekend evening when a professional acquaintance had stopped over to have a word and tagged to him was his 5 year old. The girl kept pestering daddy for a bag of popcorn, when I swooped in and offered to make some for her. Thanks to ACT-II sachets, I had a bowl cracked up in 2 minutes, when the tiny mouth below two very large eyes lovingly bellowed – “Just like mom does it!”. He..he.. I’ve put my clothes on in the right order, but it didn’t stop me from feeling a little like her superman from the comics :p

So I guess I don’t care anymore if the rest of you continue to think that a single, man, homemaker - such a thing doesn’t exist!

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Friday, July 3, 2009

Boom Boom Pow...

Most probably, of our decisions to do something positive, the full consequences of which will be drawn out over many days to come, can only be taken as a result of animal spirits – of a spontaneous urge to action rather than inaction, and not as the outcome of a weighted average of quantitative benefits multiplied by quantitative probabilities. Enterprise only pretends itself to be mainly actuated by the statements in its own prospectus... Thus if the animal spirits are dimmed and the spontaneous optimism falters, leaving us to depend on nothing but a mathematical expectation, enterprise will fade and die...

John Keynes, The General Theory.

 How would one feel when the newsbit reads – “Lamborghinis now selling in India?”. Makes one wonder what anyone can do with it on the crowded Indian roads, doesn’t it? My sentiments exactly. I cannot but find it an insult over the way I spent the last 3.5yrs shaping my career, if I did at all. I think I let others’ incompetence plunder it big time. But the guts to call it quits yesterday, came as involuntarily and effortlessly as a hiccup. Funny that not having figured out the next steps in even their vaguest detail (oxymoron?) isn’t bothering me anymore than a hiccup would. It’s just that when you’re out in the sea, you can’t wait for the right wind but have to unfurl your sail all the same. In me, I trust.

No surprise I find this song energizing...

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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Dear Auntie..

 (an open letter to my favorite apple-chomping agony-aunt who is oceans away studying something she's already smarter than...)

there've been so many agonies in life of late that it feels superb to hear from my favorite agony aunt!

atta girl, glad to learn of your accomplishments at studies. i've barely managed to survive a yr myself :-) but its at work that my studies have become a pain in the wrong place. see, today's a friday and after a yr i've got a well deserved break and dumb enough i'm at work. but for the life of me, i can't take it that not a single person who walks-in to office to spot me misses to express that - 'what the hell are you doing here?' look. dear aunt, never before in my life did i feel so unwanted... sniff.

that apart, i'm fast gaining a reputation as mr.clumsy. now who the hell would realize that when you connect to your system from a meeting; the net meeting client would grab & play out-loud the song you were listening on your comp. and ain't it natural that when you get up from your place & trip on the head phones disconnecting it; the song plays out loud in an otherwise quiet lab. things that could happen to anyone you'll see... but if you remember the SAD songs i listen to; you'll know how important keeping it private is.. sniff.

oh yeah.. what reduces in volume has to increase in intensity. so i'll say about my PJs... if only people understood what is a sophisticated sense of macabre humor would they realize how much ahead of the not-yet-ready-world that i am.... sniff.

i miss your couselling so bad that i chased an auto the other day for 7 kms only coz of what i saw from behind it - a feminine hand dropping a chomped-off apple out of the door!! sniff.. sniff..

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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

It's the third year...

Hmm.. I don't know what'd make a guy for sure a weirdo.. Can YOU tell?? lets try.. a guy who doesn't use a cell phone may be?? Oh no!! That's be me then!!! Plus this'd be the third year since I am one!!!

This puts me in a curious light some times; makes me a butt of jokes at other times. aaaand.... insensitive if the ones who love me are right. well then, why would I do it? i wouldn't want to get arguing that not having a cell phone's better than having one since i get to do that often enough. instead, i'd say not having a cell phone is exactly what suits me.

i happen to like it when i'm not available when i don't want to be.. especially when even not answering the phone's a message. would like to make and keep appointments over calling up enroute. would like to wait for and hug the loved one in relief rather than check on her when she's late. i like keeping the distraction away when i work or study. when there're bombs going out in the cities; i would rather breathe anxious inside until i know someone i love is safe than be paranoid until i an actually hear the voice. a million other things actually .. funny that not having a phone is not actually a problem at all. definitely not a tenth as much to me as it is to the person who's trying to reach me. in short; i just refuse to be rushed through life; and refuse to pay the cost of someone else being in a hurry.

but this situation does have its amusing momemts. imagine running into after 3 years, that junior from college who could make you go weak in the knees and not having a number to exchange. and the turn in your stomach when she asks back if its because you don't want her to call you!! imagine having to deal with an airticket booking portal that is dumb enough to mark a cell phone field as mandatory. the credit card support sweet voice that calls up on your home number every other month to make sure if her records are right in missing the number. and every other moment when you have to make a tiny little effort to straighten your back when the other guy pulls out his phone, and asks - "so what's the number?"

i am not sure how long i can be assertive enough with my life.. in dealing with all the men and women who think they HAVE to reach me when want to. but i do hope i could have as much of this unhurried sail as i can..

coming to an argument if i have to; the other day this friend thought i was so out of times when i pointed if there was no life before cell phones that he shot back - what's your point?? wasn't there life before men wore any clothes?

but then, i actually think it would not be that bad of an idea if this were the third year

since when fig leaves were back in fashion!!


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Thursday, July 17, 2008

Charging, do not disconnect...

the city's been colder this week compared to several weeks before. its darker until later, and the days are wetter. i've been trying to wake up at a respectable 6am for the past one week but without success. but call it a day; i was showered, shaved and in my work shoes at 0530 today. so lets make it a fine day.

if not the grander plan coming in the way of the day's tasks its just has to be the exact opposite. but with the early bird getting the worm, today just had give me a wonderful lead i've been looking for over myself. and the day begins..

genuiness is the most deficient quality in one-on-ones. but with a lot pushed out; some does rub on the people around. if a fine malt tastes great on its way in, trust me, it smells just as heavenly on the breath's way out.

lunch was unsually bright. i ended up being the only man at the table with six occupants.. this happening all too often, must find more about it :-). what ticked my brain is a witty comment - "humor is common sense rolling". take your time. think. taste and smell. its... simply... profound!!!!

and if such a fine mid-day break can't open your mind, Jehangir Pocha in the BW editorial wrote what sums it all up about it when one had all doors of the mind closed - "When what you have is a hammer, everything seems like a nail". Man!!! is the world suddenly on a roll or what!?!

getting back home early; i decided that it just has to be the day i take the Gallup's test. not sure how far i am on the "responsibility, strategic, futuristic, significance, input" package running one lifetime, but the beginning's sure very exciting :-).

hmm.. reading was just too slow an activity to hold my wander lusty mind in place; so a movie seemed just like what should be played before i retire this day. only; i ended up choosing a movie with a dialog that left me ever more lusty - "only pigs sweat; men perspire".

there are days when you relish the feeling of being unplugged. and then there are days your very existence throbs with a feeling of being firmly plugged.

and for crying out loud; its all in a day!!!.

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Monday, February 18, 2008

The red plastic skittle

You see; me and my brother; when of 8 and 12; had a fight over who gets the best of the three cabinets we got in our new room. I must say this was only one of the many fights we always had over bowls with bigger helpings of the dessert and over window seats on buses. But this time; we also had this red plastic skittle. Something that was made in three pieces that you set one over another; and then it tumbled in whole or just lose its top depending on how you shot at it with a rubber arrow gun. The gun; we'd broken in no time. And now we didn't know what we could do with the skittle. And tired as we were, of our fighting; we drew up this little peace pact. We put all our stuff which we deemed precious; our best pencils, drawing books, draw-out-and-pull-string story books and so on. Together, Undivided, into a common pool we could both draw out of. And we set the skittle in the living room corner. Whenever either one of us were mad at the other; all we had to do was unsettle the skittle. This was to act as a clarion call; to huddle up under the tree in the backyard and... negotiate. The run-away clause was that we'd have to divided back our stuff if the negotiations were to fail.

We were lucky this felt like a game for the first few days; and we had fun even fighting and making up :-). And by the time we had bigger fights; we'd already built on our common treasure and every addition meant furthering the complication that dividing our stuff amongst us was to be. And this kept us going at the "game". Over time; ganging up under the tree already meant part success. I could do it without facing my brother; without yelling and being yelled at; without feeling helpless and multiplying my madness for feeling so.

I didn't particularly like Susan Scott's "Fierce Conversations" (ISBN 0 7499 2381 4) for its repetitiveness; but I presume this is what she meant by "Emotional Wake". Or close. I've always seen that there's a better chance of dealing with people; when we are conscious of ourselves and of the whole exchange. I have always had difficulty discussing my life with my dad; but then he is always another person when I speak to him in his home office. And so am I. It was like we have secretly and unconciously agreed on being fair with each other around his swivel chair.

These days, when I have problems at work in keeping my patience; or I rage up in traffic and yell; I shall have to try more to see that skittle unsettled. I am hoping to "wake" myself up :-). And for waking some else up in a conversation; I guess its not without a reason that I was always amazed by that little play...

Knock knock
Who's there?
Red Skittle.
Red Skittle who?
Red Skittle who wakes you.

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Wednesday, February 6, 2008

The Hammock..

Imagine a beach with sand reminding you of snow; and the water blue, clear & coral-set to remind you of an aquarium.

Now imagine the sun at his sunniest best, a chilled beer in your hand and the cool breeze.

Now let’s throw in those beautiful bodies in tooth-floss wide bikinis.. going about not further from you than how far you can pee.. Mind you, they are there, but just a handful; spread wide about to not make a crowd but a picture from a glossy magazine.

Now... the hammock. It's in the shade, under a fine coconut tree, swayed by the cool breeze. Any guess who's lying on it? It is the one who by now wants to the most... You.

Kind of like a time share commercial, huh? Yes, and this did happen to me one Sunday afternoon at Sai Ree, at the secluded Koh Tao island in Thailand.

And do you know what I was thinking about? Literally the pain in my ass!! What with the rope from the hammock that was cutting into my butt cheeks... Such can be reality when it happens.

Missing that coveted school admission by a few hours; not cracking the Jee over two attempts; and missing those management schools by the water on a swan's back. I've regretted on each of these occasions; but only for a while. They are big; and shall remain so in my life. But then I fear no more when I feel so good in spite of it all and when I am proud of being me; because I know I am not letting these or anything else make me settle for any less. They are going to be my reminders. That not everything imagined, is just not the same in real.

Kind of like the rope knit hammock; which I am sure... is no fox's sour grape...


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Monday, January 14, 2008

It's Alive..

Yeah.. it’s the title of that book by Meyer and Davis. It's the second book in all of my life, that I didn't read till the end..and the worst part of it, it kept me up in the nights over the first few chapters..

"The coming convergence of information, biology, and business" shouts the title. Ask me, and I'd rather prefer a "The coming convergence of information, biology and manufacturing".

There are only these things that when trying to see far enough I can see.. - The role that biology is going to play in information technology as far as providing previously unimagined hardware. - The role that biology is going to play in manufacturing.

To apply evolution into business decision making systems.. uh..huh... for now I'd say only eccentric professors and consultants can afford to get away with such a thing.

Any system capable of all that is claimed, needs to be creative.. needs to learn.. and...needs to be... as error prone as a human mind. I mean.. all of this is already available.. as a human brain of course. Anyone giving me that crap of computers being more accurate, in this case; may think of what application of processes to knowledge industry is doing to it.. I'm not even saying this isn't possible.. Only saying that this better be done by the already available wares..

The book provides a beautiful counter example to its own theories; but by accident of course.. that the US marines is winning in Afghanistan. If one still wants to believe in the convergence of evolutionary biology and decision making; she may as well read the book and bore herself to sleep.

I wouldn't bet my money on it, not just yet; not ever.

It's Alive - Christopher Meyer & Stan Davis, Crown Business (, ISBN 1-4000-4641-6.


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Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Present continuous

I would imagine every kid to have believed that he can one day know everything. E V E R Y T H I N G. Well, I did. It was first science and with some more growing up it was specifically Physics that would do for me. Something that could explain me the “entire scheme of things”. One can perhaps call me naïve; but I still think I can. Only, it’s now Economics. I have come to believe that one’s attitude towards wealth is very closely related to his view of social justice. Along the way, there have been enough isms - capitalism, socialism, communism, what not. My interest in all of this hasn’t ever been about finding out which one of them is the “right” one as much as in finding out how each one of them fit with each other.

It is with this dear hope that I plod between the covers of the double negation infested work - “The Argumentative Indian” by the Nobel laureate Amartya Sen. Disappointing though. “The Wealth of Nations”, yes, all right. Sir Vidia’s take, umm.. may be. But one would still be left with more questions than answers.

Why “really” is one country wealthier than the other? Probably because of my friends from around the planet, I keep coming back to wondering if we are this nation because of the way we are; or are we the way we are because of the nation. Would becoming wealthier make us “better” or would getting “better” make us wealthier.

“A Future Perfect”, by John Micklethwait & Adrian Wooldridge. The book didn’t have to give me all the answers. Call it selective comprehension, but I did pick out particular bits. Law of accumulated privileges. Relevance of Geography. A global economy shown its factual place in the cycles of history. The place for the international organizations, of nations, of individuals – all put in one grand scheme. More than the promised perfect future, if I really wanted to understand the times of my life – the present continuous; this book definitely helped a bit. All of my five stars to it.


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Thursday, December 7, 2006

Homo sapiens non urinat in ventum

Well that's introducing Amsterdam for you. The TOLERANT city. Sex capital. Drug haven. Business Savvy. Tulips. Farm cheese. Bikes. Leaning buildings. Wooden shoes. Boat houses. There can only be one name for all of this as a combination; Free Souls. Take this first shot. What's so shameful about a pee? And then, if you've had lots of beer and need to pee, what's so wrong about keeping a bowl nearby. Even if the bowl's placed bang in the middle of everywhere in the city (even outside an opera house!!), and is nothing more than something to aim at :)). The Dutch call it a crow. And if one thinks the carefree abandon stops there, better wait a minute. If there can be a lake-view or a city-view hotel; apparently why not have a crow-view hotel!!! And where else in the world can you expect that along with your pizza; you get a mouthfreshner, a sachet of seasoning and a condom!!! All of this can be easily mistaken for an immoral and obscene place. But is Amsterdam really such a place?? NOT AT ALL. I won't know if it’s the Cannabis effect; if some feeling gets heady and contagious, it’s definitely the WHY NOT? spirit. And the Latin saying above is put on no less than a imposing Roman arch in one of the best parts of the city :-). There are very few places that can lift a man's spirits; Amsterdam is definitely one.

It is Latin for...heck I'll leave you with some work!


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Tuesday, November 7, 2006

Where is Slovenia?

That's a question that nags Veronica while she is dying... in Paulo Coelho's "Veronica Decides to Die". Incidentally, that's also the question that took me to the land.. I was once alone in this little town of Timisoara, in Romania. For reasons I don't know yet, I'd keep reminding myself that it was the farthest, remotest place I've ever been from home. But travelling through the local trains stopping by at the remotest villages in Slovenia, I couldn't help but feel that this was the closest I've felt to being at home. It is a country that keeps English as a pidgin just like India does. I wish it the best but I personally dislike its joining the EU and subsequent turn to just another expensive place. This also seemed to be a land where the inhabitants were picked out from everywhere and placed with care.. if you are a Slovenian, you had to have the kindest heart for the fellow traveler. Day one was the journey into Ljubljana. Never mind if you can't pronounce it right the very first time for you can rest assured you'll love to say it to yourself the rest of your life. The terrain doesn't change as you enter from Austria into Slovenia riding over the glorious alps. Its only the homes that do. Poorer, wealthier. As you pass through ill-kempt rural train stations, you can't but think of your own places in India. And when your fellow passengers open their lunch packs and share it with you, you know you've crossed the west and entered east Europe. With its warmth, I never realized I've been walking around Ljubljana for four hours when I had to go to another town - Maribor. For once, I was travelling with a specific destination in mind. My local host whom I'd been writing mails to. She is the kindest host I'd ever met. Well, this blog ain't meant to be a minute by minute account; so I can't find place for all the nicest people I met on my way while I lost it again and again but felt like I had found better ones. The next day was a trip to my host's grandmother's place and then her aunt's. A bike ride of about 2 hours on each way.. The shopping rounds, the ice cream, the ride alone by the long and winding river..... the evening on the streets of Maribor...umm.. etched forever in my memories. I was back in Ljubljana the next morning, basking in the warm sun in the youth hostel that was once a prison. The guitar strumming fellow travelers make you feel that the world that you see through the iron bars is the one that is imprisoned and you are the one that's free!!! A bike ride discovering the Sunday market, the most beautiful castle and the baroque chapels is worth every drop of sweat. And when one books a city tour by boat, one hardly expects the special treatment I got. Incidentally, I was the only one in the boat that day; a boat that could hold about 30 happy hearts. The sparkling wine and a nice guide; and you can only feel like a prince. I am not sure if it was the beer by the best live music which had its effect; but I just found that I could strike the warmest conversations with almost every new person that passed by my table. My feet were asking for more after I travelled three pubs, one restaurant and countless open air eateries with live music. That left me with time for one last honey brandy to fill my heart with. They say.... err..heck.. I SAY.. it’s never a place that you like but it’s the time that you spend in one that makes you like it. But with Slovenia, I've got to say it can make you have the best of your times. I now know where it is.. and can't wait to go there again...

It's in my fondest recollections...


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Monday, November 6, 2006

Leave me a comment!!!

You are caught reading my blog. Google analytics does the job of profiling your whereabouts... Now if only you'd leave me a comment!!!! Gee.. won't I just love it. :-).

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Thursday, September 21, 2006

To test your luck...

I've been feeling really lucky of late.. And plainly put, I know it isn't about luck. Is it about optimism? I'd say it is... To ask someone if she/he considers her/himself lucky, is probably the most insightful question. When I couldn't convince a friend against taking little chances, this is how it slipped out of my mouth. Don't put your luck to test too often...because that is when realize you've got none.

Another of those utterings that keep me feeling wise :-). And with my friend? Well, it drove the point home.

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Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Girls are like money..

I never understood why people get excited... for fairly stupid reasons.. like when they have babies, when they get engaged, when they lose their virginity.. brrrr !!!! While I, have a real precious thing to be celebrating. I've got my first grey hair!!! Its nice and curly, and yes a little shiny too. And its on the sides of my head, hopefully leading to a gorgeous patch just like the movie make-up artist would do it. And now that its just about time for you to wonder what this post is about.. and how's it connected to the title... let me ask you a question. Would you still have read this far if I retained the original title - grey hair is like money... having some, gets you many!! :-))


WHEN I discovered my first grey hair, I immediately wrote to my parents: "Dear Dad and Mom, You saw my first steps. You might want to experience this with me too." I taped the offending hair to the paper and mailed it. My father's response, titled "Sonnet to a Hair," began:
It 's a trustworthy observation
That nothing can compare
In the process of aging
With finding the first grey hair. . .
He signed off with this observation: "That grey hair you sent us is not the first one you gave us!"


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Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Five more minutes mom...

Yes, that's what I'd tell my mom every time she woke me up early. Thank heavens that she kept at it, after each five minutes. If I were to tell anybody why I'd kept from adding to my blog, all I know is... I was taking just a five minute break. It just happened to last too long. I'm going through my worst ever, down-and-out lazy patch right now. Wonder if Einstein ever had them too ;-). But then, its never too late. (or rather it doesn't help to think its late ;-)..) So now I stand up right this minute, and start again,

...and i'll be okay!!

If you want to feel good -
If you want to be honest -


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Sunday, August 7, 2005

It don't mean a thing ...

Ha..ha.. never saw a clearer definition of my own personality than this one. I've always loved jazz and dreamt of playing the sax. Now I know why. Here's the definition "Saxophonists think they are the most important players on stage. Consequently, they are temperamental and territorial. They know all the Coltrane and Bird licks but have their own sound, a mixture of Coltrane and Bird. They take exceptionally long solos, which reach a peak half way through and then just don't stop. They practice quietly but audibly while other people are trying to play. They are obsessed. Saxophonists sleep with their instruments, forget to shower, and are mangy. If you talk to a saxophonist during a break, you will hear a lot of excuses about his reeds." he..he...check for more ;-)

...if it don't make you swing!!

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Monday, July 25, 2005

Did you know?

Hmm.. at no point of my life did I doubt my understanding about myself. But for some strange reason; its only today that I could put my "growing up" into a logical structure. The fact that I could classify my personality type and analyzed what I am helped. I'll try to put what I was, what I did, what it lead to - all of it in chronology and all of it with the greatest possible honesty.

Stage 1 - Know nothing. (What's being okay?)
Age - 0 to 8
Was - Nonexistent
Lead To - Unrealized knowing
Did - Exist

Stage 2 - Know something (I know what it is to be okay!)
Age - 9 to 12
Was - Curious, confident.
Lead To - Realized learning. First time I felt that when it comes to influencing myself, I can do it too!!! I remember this history lesson in Grade 3 about the Chola empire. The first time I could actually think and remember anything some way other than what I was told.
Did - First time read what I needn't have. Thought what I needn't have. Comics, drawing, self-invented games and imaginary experiments came. Drifted apart from fellow-everybody.

Stage 3 - Know wrong (I'm okay, you aren't)
Age - 13 to 18
Was - With a self-identity to suit my own idea of it and far from truth.
Lead To - The feeling of being special. The need to do special things. To get into only those things in which I can be special. (resigned from sports and any creative pursuit)
Did - Conscious manipulation of self. Developed preferences on how I wanted to look, what I'd read, what I'd say. Start aspiring what I should be - thereby drifting apart from family that thought better ;-)

Stage 4 - Know better (I'm okay, so are you)
Age - 19 to 22
Was - Self conscious to the extreme. Not the kind to give inferiority, but the kind to make better of myself. Dead down to earth and extreme modesty.
LeadTo - Developing my specific skills. Graduation. Friends out of choice. Languages. Opinions. Viewpoints.
Did - Put a perennial effort at self improvement. First encounter with focused thought and action. Fell in love. Got up and firmly out of it. Drifted apart from my first person self.

Stage 5 - Know back (I'm feeling okay and more okay. Don't care about anything else!)
Age - 23 to now
Was - Introspection and retrospection to the extreme.
Lead To - Continual molding and fitting into an ever expanding horizon. More reading, more travelling, more discovery.
Did - ... Here I am.


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Sunday, July 24, 2005

The thing that I seek..

What is that I seek when I'm over and out.. down and flat..worn and tired... just like it happened yesterday? I was just trying to find out what is it that would make me happy.. I searched my contact list..mailing none seemed appealing..logged into my messenger and none in buddy list that I wanted to chat up with.. scrolled down my phone book.. I realized it needed a cleanup. So was it company I was seeking? Nope. not at all. I can't imagine a company that wouldn't bore me in just a little while. And it was then I realized sitting in a nice cozy restaurant scooping steamed rice and washing it down with beer - all at closing time when every table around me was empty. The need with creatures like me who don't know for sure what makes em happy.. is to keep discovering. Got it. Novelty.

And then.. it doesn't suffice that I describe what I thought and what I did. I'd rather have the third person view of myself. And putting in this blog really triggered a log. I found out minutes ago that I can classify myself as INTP behavior type. Time to find out more ;-).


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Saturday, July 23, 2005

Heads or Tails...

Hey.. I've a choice now.. (makes me feel good to say thus). let me put it as one of three.. I can do something that's noticed all the time, by everybody around which means that I'm under lights always. Part of a team. And for someone decent enough, the advantage of being noticed for accomplishing overpowers the disadvantage of being noticed for failure to do the same. The problem is that the team builds boxing gloves, has never used a pair and worse; it claims to know the best when it comes to making them. There's a HUGE disconnect from reality. Moving over to the second option, there's this option of actually boxing.. actually kicking and being kicked.. and the "kick" follows naturally. But what goes before a fight, the gruel, the practice, the grit is for only the four walls to see. And when I'm fighting someone else's fight, its really necessary to be able to justify what goes before that fight - but I'm cut from that. And more importantly, in the effort to put up my best fight with a bad glove, I've already been hurting myself a lot.

To help myself in choosing, I've done the fight and understand a glove and can't build it otherwise. And to fight without being able to answer for my performance.. i'm no sage.. Even I need a shack up once in a while...

That takes me to the last option, make my own glove or go without it.. and fight my own fight. Now is the time to toss or to just decide the outcome.

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Friday, July 22, 2005

Hmm.. do you know what you want to be?

There was once this man. The one who could do exactly what he wanted to.. Not that he was super anything. Lets put it that he just chose what he actually is capable of doing and may be a little more - that which makes him work a little harder everytime than the previous. Now this looks ordinary, but since when do we do what we can? Sounds absurd?? take a sheet and a pencil. List everything you think you should be having done by the end of the day. Compare notes when you go to sleep. That surely made me rediscover absurdity. Found it in the mirror.

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Friday, June 3, 2005

My experiments with her

He..he..Caught ya!! It isn't her that i'm talking about.. it's the pronoun "her". I was just reflecting on the way everybody around(including me) speaks, and am trying to manipulate my own speech. Don't know how far I'm right but I've got this conviction that my speech shall influence the way I feel about something and the way others feel about the same thing :-).
Take for example the code that I write. Most people around keep referring to the interacting modules as "HE". A invokes B coz HE wants B's help and so on. Now now, come on. I'm trying to love the code I write, don't I? Hence I'm putting a "SHE" as I refer to my modules ;-).

Moving forward from jokes, I also happen to work in an environment that professes collective ownership. Now this actually makes it imperative for all the stake holders to own all mistakes all the time, but lately it's turned too pretentious. Believe me; it's come to the level that person-X asks person-Y something like this - "Are we sure this is allright?" when what he intends to ask would be - "What kinda crap are you feeding me?".. He.he.. isn't infinite fun!!! Now am I not supposed to manipulate it? Yes ofcourse. Hence I'm framing every sentence in passives!!! And to put a cherry-on-the-top when not to risk conclusions, I at times add a "atleast I think so.". Being egoistic is helping :-)

I met this Bihari once and they have this sweet way of referring to their selves in collective nouns. "Hum aapse milne aaye hai", "Hum ne isko thik kar diya" and so on. All I knew was that this sounds sweet. But this person I met explains that it's because people want to keep away all traces of "mein" - the self-recognition, the pride! and put a "hum" in it's place. Set me thinking until I asked his name and he says "Humara naam @@@ hai". I'm LOL.

Now isn't this all so very fun!! Pronouns make a difference. And that's exactly the reason.. that I LOVE HER.


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Saturday, May 28, 2005

Surely I'm joking

I surely am. There was this 13 birthday of mine when I got my brother's letter telling me that Tom Edison set up his lab when he was 13! And most of my teens, I've been having this feeling of getting late.. to what? ofcourse.. to greatness. Now I'm reading "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!" and I recollect my years that went behind. The half year I spent building a telescope. The weekend I spent trying to break the record of longest numbers ever multiplied by writing one myself over a wall-sized paper. The whole day spent collecting cow-dung from all over the town with the intent of making a piece of my garden the most fertile one ever!! When I set a patch of the lawn on fire!! When I fought with my teacher in highschool claiming I had a better proof to the parallelogram theorem than as given in the textbook.. Now I know what I mean by the heading.. I surely must have been joking.. But I wish I'd been serious!! Gives me a feeling of having grown older than I'd care to be.


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Tuesday, May 24, 2005

The Programmer's Stone

Well for those interested in mending the way we think, here's a new favorite of mine. "The Programmer's Stone". One of the rare books that I'm reading a second time. Chapters go "Thinking About Thinking", "Thinking About Programming", "The Programmer At Work", "Customs And Practices", "Design Principles", "Prudence And Safety" and finally "Some Wierd Stuff". To call this book as something only about programming would in my view be an injustice.

It's worth checking out for oneself.


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Wednesday, April 20, 2005


Yup!! That's the latest book that I read. By Malcolm Gladwell. Well, if you're my types; someone who asks at the end of anything - So what do I do about it? then this isn't the book for you. Lots of information packed between covers but leading me nowhere. Finally if I were to ask myself, what I learn out of it. Keeps me *Blink*ing.


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Friday, March 18, 2005

My "Lateral" Mind


Well those no-dirt-on-my-mind folks; stop reading this. Because when I consult my Lateral Thought part of my brains, it's usually the dirty parts that answer !! Well it so happened that I let a blood bank drain a bit of my blood today for the eighth time, and then there was this question that I asked myself why I did it. Knowing myself, I am not an altruist, not one who goes any extra distance to help others. Its just the good feeling part of it. And it's exactly then that I found this naughty answer to throw at the next person who asked me the same question - "Well, that was my only chance to get laid by that nurse you know.. and she even let me squeeze a ball ;-) !!!!!".



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Tuesday, March 8, 2005

Don't Write Me Off !!


Sorry Mr. Schumacher, I had to borrow your lines. Just for once, I wanted to try writing with nothing to write about... he..he.. Wonder what's causing it.. am happier than I usually am.. and for reasons I know not. Feel alone at times and want to be alone the rest of the time !! And for a while I've felt neither. Am really confused for now.. don't know what's next in life.. but not confused for lack of options but because of them being too many ;-) Hmm.. like the song.. Can't Wait For The Rest of My Life.




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Tuesday, February 15, 2005

What's it about beer by the way..


If anyone's reading this at all.. excuse me.. am a little drunk and am more philosophical than I usually am ;-)

I've always tried to evaluate myself.. what's it about me that's ordinary.. and what's it that isn't... I've seen and gotten impressed with these kind of people... the one's who make big impressions on their firsts... and I know that's what's ordinary about me... I AM NOT THAT. And then.. I've always proved myself over time.. (forget that I haven't been too confident all the while). I was so hidden as to let a girl apologize in the second year for not knowning that I was in the same class.... and by the end of graduation.. I wasn't the pin-up but never met anybody who didn't know me.. same at school..same at job.. same at most other things.. Guess I'm more like this thing I'm loving having it.. BEER.. you want to have more of it.. but only after you've had more of it already...



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Saturday, February 12, 2005

Funny how we think..


Well I for a while knew this thing of measuring one's career progress. That of defining it in four stages - unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, concious competence and finally over to unconscious competence. And it never in its repeated recurrence as a thought failed to astonish me how simple and true it could be. I was only wondering if we could say something about the way we think as well. Most of the times, and most of us, seem to be only complaining. We only seem to look at problems. It is so blatantly visible in our conversation, but that's only if we care to observe. Look at this story - I am reading an article that asks "Should Prostitution be Legalized". And pat comes a sarcastic comment from a pair of eyes behind my shoulder, hooked out of an otherwise very sensible brain - "oh there are better things to be legalized!!!!". There wasn't much effort in pushing those brains into thought; I only had to ask back; "like?"... "Err... hmm... ooo.. Gay marriages probably!!". He he he... we better be careful in announcing our thoughts shows too much of us. Like all philosophy, my friend probably thinks he's smarter.. and I probably think I am.. But for once, I've had my spark-of-amusement. And ofcourse, a train of thoughts flowing out of it!!!



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